Being alone
Two weeks ago my boyfriend flew to San Francisco for a job interview. I drove him to JFK before dawn, kissed him goodbye, and continued on to work, expecting to pick him up four days later. Then he got the job and decided to stay out there.
Until now we’d only had about three weeks apart in three and a half years of living together, so this is an adjustment. My new job is keeping me busy and tired, though, so I haven’t been feeling lonely. (What I have been doing is eating way too much ice cream and way too many cookies.)
I’m very good at being alone — I love being alone — but I’m no good at being alone in public. I tense up; I am suspicious of every person I pass on the street; I feel awkward entering rooms, ordering meals, waiting for a friend at a bar. This is silly and I want to get over it. I want to do things alone and not feel like I have to apologize for being alone. Sometimes I WANT to be alone! Why should I invite friends every time I’m craving Thai food or a cocktail? Why can’t I sit in a bar and read a book? Tumblr says: “Let people answer this.” Okay, then. People, please answer this: why can’t I sit in a bar alone and read a book?
